apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
