Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
