Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
