Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
