Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
