Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
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It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
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I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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