I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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