Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
