if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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