The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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