The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
