I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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