We're facebook friends in real life
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
