the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
