you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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