Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
