Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
