Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
