I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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