You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
