So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
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My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
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Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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