can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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