i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize