you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
