The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
