I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
