Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
