Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
