I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
