shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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