Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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