I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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