I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
