i barfeds in our rink
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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