Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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