i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
my shit smells like andre
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
