Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
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Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
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I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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