my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
