when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
