dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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