all she had left on were here heels. phone five
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
