Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
