WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
