I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
