i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
