your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
