dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.