I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.