Who did Billy Mays play for?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit