I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
These 19 Sad People Chose Video Games Over Sex
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them