Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
