I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got