Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober