But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
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