tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
