i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's paint friendship bongs
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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