I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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