Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
