What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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