On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Randomize
