I love black thongs
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
