Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
