my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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