just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
