you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
