Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize