FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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