and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
