I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
