Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
there is glitter all over my balls
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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