really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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