So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
