How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
