Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
