Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
