I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
