is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
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