Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
