My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
